now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
