Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
