Do you still have your period?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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