So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
