i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
