When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
