i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
