I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Randomize
