Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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