glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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