Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I need moral support for this bender
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
