Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
