I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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