But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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