I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Just pee around me
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
