there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
