Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
