What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
