I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
