well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You're like the curious george of whores
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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