Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
