u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
