Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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