i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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