If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
