guys are only as good as the porn they watch
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
