White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
