Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
