I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
