She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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