Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
