Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
