I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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