Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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