It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
