i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Randomize
