STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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