well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
We're too hungover to prance.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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