I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
