is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
