I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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