good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
