she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
