he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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