Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
