The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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