im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
