The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
