You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
