Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
