Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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